It reminds me of the time I learn how to drive. I was so self-conscious and openly scared about every little second, every movement of the steering wheel; and in between a current of thoughts in a quite annoying internal voice that distracted me so much of what I was doing, that I let the car turned off one time after the other.
I don't know if it also happens to other people, but my thoughts are of a inquisitive kind: they come into questions, one based on the other.
I guess two years getting distracted by such thoughts is quite a lot. So, here I am, ignoring my fears which, after all, are the reason behind all the usual questions in my mind seeking to distract me or prevent me from doing something. Here I am, feeling inevitably silly to see this white screen as a threat to my safety and integrity.
Why should I post something in this blog? who might me interesting to read it? what IF they read it... is it okay for them to see what I think? what CAN I possibly say today? and what should I write about, TOMORROW?
True. that is the second usual thing happening after feeling afraid to do something or getting distracted by my inquisitive mind: feeling unease when there is no plan, when I am not trying to assume I can control the future, at the cost of losing sight of this moment.
There. a nice quite moment. As soon as I let go and enjoy this instant. All is fine. Everything is in place. I am here, present... I am me.
It reminds me of a very nice trip, that H and I decided to do... just because: rent a car, drive over the weekend to a last minute choice: The Smoky Mountains.... hmmm. Here, a little pic to get the idea...
Okay... I feel much better to go back to work. Hopefully I won't need two years to write again (or finish my dissertation).
Y.
